Grief after the death of a baby

When a baby dies, everyone close will feel the loss. Yet, no two people will grieve the same, including parents. Partners may be the biggest comfort to each other but they may not be able to grieve together.

Emotions after the death of a baby

When a baby dies, often the first emotion parents feel is disbelief. The situation can feel quite unreal.

Parents may find themselves experiencing a wide range of emotions. These can include:

• anguish
• sadness
• guilt
• fear
• anger
• numbness
• emptiness
• panic about what lies ahead or needs to be done

You may also have physical symptoms. For example, you may have difficulty:

• eating
• sleeping
• coping with everyday activities

These feelings are very normal and may vary in intensity. They may also last for a long time which can leave you feeling emotionally and physically drained.

Further information on how we grieve

Coping with grief after the death of a baby

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, but you may find some things helpful at this time.

Take your time

It’s important, especially in the first few days, that you allow time to:

• take in what’s happened
• talk about the baby who has died
• look after yourself

Do it your way

Bereavement and grief are painful experiences and learning to live with loss is hard. You may find you want to be alone or that you need someone to be with you all the time.

Everyone is different and we react to death in different ways. Try to do what feels right for you.

Ask for help

It’s important that you don’t expect too much of yourself and know when to ask for help. The death of a baby is a major event in anybody’s life and there are no quick ways of adjusting.

Talk to others

It can be helpful to find someone you trust that you can to talk to. For example a friend, your doctor, your midwife or a religious leader.

Support after the death of a baby

If you’re struggling to cope after your loss, you should speak to your GP. They want to hear from you and will be able to help you get the support you need.

There are also organisations across Scotland that provide support after baby loss. You can look at their resources for help.

They can help with various things. For example, they can provide someone to talk to or give you information about what happens next. Some organisations also provide helplines, online forums and support groups.

Organisations that can help

You may find it helpful to look at the following organisations.

Held In Our Hearts provide baby loss counselling and support for families. Counselling is free and is open ended.

Sands is an organisation for anyone who has been affected by the death of a baby. It provides information about baby loss and runs a helpline and email help service.

SIMBA support families who have experienced baby loss. They provide memory boxes, family rooms in hospitals and remembrance events.

Twins Trust offer support for families who have lost one or more children from a multiple birth.

Baby Loss Retreat offer aftercare support to families who have suffered the loss of a baby. It hosts free retreats throughout Scotland. These provide a quiet environment where parents can reflect on their loss.

Child Bereavement UK support families when a baby or child of any age dies or is dying. They can also help when a child is facing bereavement.

Cruse Scotland Bereavement Support provide professional support for bereaved people across Scotland.

Further advice on what to do after the death of a baby